Pregnant? Version 2 0
by Twilight Fan Girls
Summary: [Voldy Story] PARODY.  PARODY.  Used to be Pregnant?, now it's revamped [aha...no pun...] Bella's pregnant...But that's not possible...For vampires, that is...
1. Pregnant, PMSing, and Stairs

_Here. I've compromised. Re-written, but still not taking down the story. This is pretty much chapter one, the original. It's different though, I am satisfied with this chapter, and actually think it is pretty amusing… OK._

**DISCLAIMER:**** NO OWN. THIS IS ALSO A PARODY. SO, YES, OBVIOUSLY EVERYONE IS OOC.**

**Pregnant; Version 2.0**

Bella turned to Edward, with a look of utmost horror and confusion on her face. She had something to tell him, he could sense that. Bella seemed to be battling internally, a war raging in her mind. Edward could tell this, she didn't even stop breathing when he did his infamous crooked grin!!

"Bella?" Edward asked, concerned and insecure as ever. Bella rewarded him with an anxious and slightly annoyed look at his insecure tone. Edward was constantly acting like this ever since he had come back, and quite frankly, it was pissing her off. Ugh! You'd think she was smart enough to consider her decisions?! Edward was almost as worse as her at feeling inadequate in the relationship…

Edward continued on in his worried, anxious tone, "What is it? I know there's something wrong, so don't try to deny it!! Oh, Carlisle, you're leaving me, aren't you? And it's probably for Jacob, isn't it? I knew you weren't making the right decision staying with me!!! You deserve a normal, human life!! You really are leaving, aren't you?? Oh, I knew this day would eventually come… But remember; I will always love you! You hear that, I WILL ALWAYS—"

"Edward," Bella said, now looking just plain disgusted at his tone, which was growing more, and more pathetic with each passing second, "I am NOT leaving you for Jacob! Gosh, you're so insecure. I just needed to tell you something…"

"Oh, that's it? Ah, that is such a relief… Wait. What?! What is it that you need to tell me? Are you ok? Are you hurt?! Are you in trouble?! Is another sadistic vampire tracking you, one you never told me about? Oh, there is, I can feel it!! Oh, this is all my fault!! I should have never left and now look!! You have ANOTHER vampire after you!! Oh, I could just kill myself… No!! That's probably not it either… Alice would have told me… Unless the sadistic vampire IS ALICE!!!! Oh, I can't even trust my own family!! No… Wait… Now that I think about that theory, it does seem stupid… Carlisle, Bella… That was really stupid of you to suggest… Wait! I know it!! You found another person who you love and have come to your senses and are leaving me!! Is it another vampire, Bella?? I would fully accept it if you left—"

"EDWARD. CALM DOWN. Now, as I said, I have something to tell you," Bella stated, rolling her eyes at Edward's gross over reactions, "Um… Well… I—I—I'm--" Bella stuttered, looking worried, anxious, and alarmed at the same time. That poor, poor empath who lived a floor down… Jasper must have been having a ball…

**MEANWHILE… **

Jasper and Alice were enjoying a few quite moments alone. Totally in sync with each other's emotions and actions, they barely needed to utter a sound to realise what the other was thinking. Jasper was contently reading a thick, Oxford textbook on the merits of biology in various types of flora and fauna, while Alice was enjoying her newest copy of _French Vogue_. Alice was flipping through pages, armed with hot pink sticky notes to mark the pages of her favourite designers, Jasper was flipping through his book, also armed with sticky notes, though his were a calming blue-lavender shade.

"Alice…" Jasper said suddenly, looking up from his giant textbook, and to his wife, sitting a few feet away from him on the violently pink rug adorning the floor, "I—I was wondering…"

"Yes, Jazzy?" Alice asked, annoyed at being interrupted from her designer hunt. Though, when she saw Jasper's worried expression, she softened. Alice put down her _Vogue_, and sidled up to 'Jazzy'. She started to rub his arm, very concerned.

"Am—Am I good enough for you?" Jasper chocked out, starting to dry sob. Alice was too taken aback to say anything, the question was so out of the blue, "I mean, you're so beautiful, I don't deserve you!! OH, I HATE MYSELF!!! I MAKE YOU SO ASHAMED OF ME!!!!! OH!!! You already know this, don't you?!?! Yes, of course you would know… You are the smartest girl I've ever met… But, that must mean then… Then…That you're leaving me—FOR EMMETT!!! Oh, I knew this would happen!!!" Jasper was full out dry sobbing now, Alice stunned speechless by his little display, "I'm just, so, worthless!! Just leave me!! You deserve better!!! Oh, but I don't want you to leave!! I'm so damn selfish!!! Why can't I just leave you and let you get on with your life!!!"

"Jasper…?" Alice asked, slightly alarmed, rubbing his arm, "What's going on? Is Bella PMSing again?" Suddenly a look of comprehension flicked onto her face, causing her usually perky face to contour into one of anger, "Ugh! NOT AGAIN!!!" Alice then looked towards the ceiling of their bedroom, "EDWARD!!! WILL YOU STOP WITH THE GODDAMNED SELF HATRED SHIT!!! CARLISLE!!! UGGH!!! And Bella!!! I'm sure Edward will be ecstatic with whatever the heck you are obviously worried about telling him!!! Carlisle!!! Both of you two are pissing me of!!!!" Alice shrieked, then went back to her magazine, now completely ignoring Jasper's ever growing dry sobs beside her.

**BACK UPSTAIRS**

"OK, so Edward…" Bella stumbled through her words, raising her voice at the end, trying to be heard over Jasper's wails, that were still growing louder, from downstairs, "I'm—ahhh… I'm a…pregnant…" Bella whispered quietly, FINALLY managing to spit out, though barely heard, even with super awesome vampire hearing.

Edward just sat there. He looked confused, then startled, then surprised. "How, how did you get pregnant?"

"Well… um… Why are you asking me this? Aren't you the one with two medical school degrees…?" Bella said, looking confused, Edward's face remained emotionless and confused, so Bella bravely continued on, "Well…You see…When a man and woman are in love…They have a special bond," Bella started loudly, still desperately trying to be heard over Jasper downstairs. At Bella's beginning of trying to explain where babies came from, Edward's face took on a look of ever growing terror and horror. Suddenly the two of them jumped, at the sound of two boulders colliding, and Jasper's wails ceasing at the sound of Alice yelling, "Give it a rest, won't you?!?!??"

Both of them looked at each other, nervously chuckled in a way that you would obviously hear on a first date, and then became serious again.

"No!! No!!! I meant, how did YOU get pregnant? Like, as in, who is the father? Because, you know, I would accept that. I did leave you, after all…. Which means that this is technically my fault…"

"WHAT?!?! EDWARD CULLEN!!!" Bella shrieked, only slightly nervous in Edward discovering her secret, "YOU OBVIOUSLY!!!! Are you calling me a—a—a slut??!!" Bella added in a slightly paranoid and nervous tone, ending with a scarred chuckle, "You are the ONLY per—hu—_vampire_ I've EVER slept with!!" Bella said, her voice slightly triumphant, finally figuring a loop hole through her little rant.

Edward sat there in silence for a few moments, then quietly, "Bella… am I really going to be a father? Are you really pregnant?"

Suddenly, as soon as the word 'pregnant' exited his lips, his bedroom door banged open with such a force, it shattered on the wall, leaving a crater-sized dent in the wall where the door handle used to be. There was Alice, standing in the doorway.

She looked at Bella, then looked at Edward, and let out a Banshee like shriek, and raced over to Bella and started to scream.

"OH MY CARLISLE!!!!!!!!!! IS IT TRUE?!?!?! ARE YOU REALLY?!?!?! OH MY CARLISLE, ITS TRUE!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GO SHOPPING FOR IT!! AND CAN I PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DECORATE THE NUSERY?!?!?!?" Alice stopped to suck in a few more unnecessary breaths, the gather Bella in a huge hug. "Oh my Carlisle!!! How come I didn't I see this?!?!?!"

At the clearly rhetorical question, Bella's eyes suddenly became shifty, and managed to stutter out, "Umm… I—I'm not quite sure Alice… It just happened… And Edward is DEFINATLY the father…Because, you now, I've only ever slept with Edward…Yeah, no one else… Only Edward… Why don't you believe me?? Only Edward!!!"

"Oh, I knew THAT silly!!" Alice said, pointing to her head, "You two were going at it for hours!!! I will NEVER be able to sit at that dining room table ever again!!!"

"Alice," Edward growled, looking embarrassed, then smiling and nodding to himself in a purely male-like way, remembering 'that time'.

"Edward? Edward!" Alice shrieked, trying to snap him out of his memories. "Bella and I are going SHOPPING!!! Yay!! I have an excuse to buy more things!! And now Bella can't argue about me spending hundreds of thousands of dollars!! Oh, all my dreams are coming true…"

"ALICE!!" Bella snapped, "We haven't told ANYONE yet!!! Just calm down, and wait, like 3 seconds for us to at least talk to Carlisle about this!!"

Alice pouted, then smiling, turned towards the door, and let out a hair raising shriek, "EVERYONE!!! BELLA AND EDWARD ARE HAVING A BABY!!! YEAH, LIKE IN NINE MONTHS!!! A REAL, BREATHING BABY!!!!" Alice turned to Bella, "Can we go shopping NOOOOOW?????"

"ALICE!!!!" Bella roared.

"This is all my fault!!" Edward whimpered, his voice oozing self pity and insecurity, "If I hadn't of left you then you wouldn't have all these anger problems…"

"EDWARD!!!" Jasper roared, bursting into the room, "STOP WITH THE DAMN INSECURITIES—Alice? No!!! I yelled at Edward, and now you feel unsafe with me, and you're leaving me—FOR CARLISLE!!!" Jasper started to dry sob, louder and even more out of control then before. Long story short, it was ugly. Very ugly.

_Ugh._ Alice thought to herself, _you'd think Jasper would have his STUPID gift under control after 144 years of practice… CARLISLE!!_

"Alice…" Edward whimpered again, looking up from his hands in which he was dry sobbing in only seconds earlier, "Those weren't very nice thoughts…"

Suddenly, the door was flung open and the remaining Cullens burst in.

"Bella? Is this really true?" Carlisle asked, looking at Bella with doubt creeping into his voice.

"Yes… and Edward is DEFINATLY the father!! HOW MANY TIMES AM I GONG TO HAVE TO SAY THAT TO GET IT THROUGH?!?! I'VE ONLY SLEPT WITH EDWARD!!!" Bella shrieked unnecessarily, jumping up from the couch near the end of her rant.

"Well! This is a scientific miracle!!" Carlisle proclaimed, looking at an ecstatic Esme.

"Bella! This is wonderful!" Esme said kindly, "But you two really should have used protection… Now this poor child is going to be born out of wedlock… The shame it shall bear… That poor, poor child…" She finished in a parental tone.

Rosalie looked livid, and scoffed, thoughts of hatred running through her head.

Emmett eyed Bella sceptically. "Are you sure you're really pregnant?" He said, eyeing her flat stomach sceptically, "Are pregnant women supposed to be fat?"

"No, Emmett dear, that's after about 6 months…" Esme said gently, "Oh, Bella! I just hope that Edward doesn't turn abusive, the baby doesn't dies in less than a week, and you don't throw yourself off a cliff like I did!!" Esme said, then finished wistfully, "Oh, if I only didn't jump…"

Carlisle cleared his throat. "OH!! Not that jumping off that cliff wasn't the best decision of my life!!" Esme said, her eyes looking shifty, and slightly wishful at the though of her not throwing herself off the cliff.

"Well!!" Carlisle said, not so discreetly changing the subject, "Lets go out celebratory hunting!!! Come on, Edward!! We'll drive down to California… Hit a couple of zoos on our way there… We know how much you like that endangered polar bear blood…" Carlisle said excitedly. All the Cullens started to chatter amongst themselves excitedly at the thought of attacking and draining poor, innocent endangered animals from the zoos.

"AWESOME!!! ZOO HUNTING!!!" Emmett squealed, "I'LL GO GRAB MY STUFF!!!"

"I'm gonna stay with Bella!! We're going out shopping for the baby!!! And clothes!!!!" Alice finished off with a flourish and squeal, uncannily sounding like Emmett's squeal moments before…

"Um… I'm going to stay too… I have a project to finish for school…" Rosalie said lamely…

"OK!! See you all in a few days!! Stay safe!!" And with that, the Cullens, save for Rosalie and Alice, were gone, car tires squealing from the driveway, just barely heard over the pounding beat of what suspiciously sounding like the new Britney Spears song coming from Edward's Volvo **(I haven't listened to it yet… Harry's obsessed… Harry's also dealing with a small bout of insanity…)**

Alice squealed, again, and dragged Bella downstairs and into her new yellow Porsche (Edward got her a Cherry red one, in which he was given a disgusted look from Alice, and a yelling of "TAKE IT BACK!!!! THIS ONE SUCKS!!! WHAT?!?!?! DID YOU NOT GET A NEW ONE EITHER?!?!! IS THIS FUCKING USED?!?!?") Alice drove towards Forks, so that Bella could pick up her prenatal vitamins, which she had forgotten. Alice left the car running in the street, and yelled out to Bella, "Be back in 5 minutes, or I'm gone!" Naturally, Bella hurried inside.

She ran up into her room, grabbed the bottle of little pills, and turned to walk down the tedious stairs. Suddenly, she felt a hard shove on her back **(LMAO, its soooo **_**Passions**_, and she tumbled down the stairs and landed into a heap at the bottom.

Before Bella blacked out, she heard a muttering in a magical, musical voice, of, "Stupid, whore."

It was a few hours later when Bella awoke in Edward's room, in a new change of clothes, and comfortably in Edward's arms. When Edward realized that she was awake, he yelled for the rest of the family.

The Cullens, slowly for vampires, flooded into the room, causing it too seem smaller than usually. Emmett gave Bella a glare, angry that, because of her, he was standing in Edward's room at the moment, rather than preferably attacking a pent up and extremely dangerous lion.

Carlisle looked at Bella, and gave her a 'duh' look, "Bella, you need to be more careful walking up and down the stairs… You miscarried—" Rosalie smirked, looking quite proud of herself, "—one of the babies!!"

Rosalie's face conveyed shock, causing Jasper's to look exactly the same comically. Suddenly, her face fell back into the bitter mask it was before, and she tried to look as concerned at the others.

"Bella!! Are you all right?? Do you need me to get anything??" Rosalie asked in a fake, over concerned voice.

"No, Rosalie, I'm perfectly fine…" Bella said, touched that Rosalie would be concerned. She looked around to the other Cullens.

Esme looked torn between shock, anger and sympathy. Emmett was angry. Alice was also angry, though only at being denied another shopping trip. Edward looked down at her as if she was a comical puppy, one of the ones who fall down, causing the owner to chuckle.

Bella sighed, "But I didn't fall…" She started, causing Edward to chuckle louder.

"Sure you didn't, sweetheart," Edward said, exchanging a look with the rest of the Cullens clearly saying, "Humour the pregnant clumsy human". Bella sighed again. This was going to be a difficult pregnancy.

_Wow. 7 pages, over 2, 600 words… OK. Note to kind reviewers… THIS IS PARODY. And don't yell at me for being 'patronizing' cause like every three words I am saying the words 'PARODY!!!' is being screamed out… You wouldn't believe the illiterate people who cannot understand that. So there. IT'S A PARODY. Harry, the people who flame for the "OOC-ness" are fair game. Feel free to make them cry._


	2. Emmett's Excitement cannot be contained

_OOOOH!!!! GOOD NEWS GOOD NEWS!!!! To fans of _Two Vampires, A Human and ARO!!!_ We will be updating again!!! YESSSS!!!!!!! Yes, its true. The original Gay Aro will be back in action probably within the week!!!! Harry just wants to finish up her other story, she says there's about another chapter or two left, and then we WILL be updating!!! YAY!!! I know, EXCITING!!!_

**I NO OWN. **

**Pregnant? Version 2.0**

This was it. The Day. The day that Edward had managed to guilt trip Bella into telling Charlie. About the baby…and the engagement. Things were not looking good. Shit was going to go down.

It was a few weeks after the stair incident, and the Cullens were becoming more accustomed to knowing that not only did they have a human practically living in their house, but said human was also pregnant and practically disabled.

Alice assured Edward, Bella and Carlisle that Charlie would be fine about it… After a little while. Bella was nearing hyperventilation as she was leaving with Edward, practically being dragged, into the car.

As Bella and Edward got nearer and nearer to the house, Bella's panic and stress level rose, with Jasper breathing a sigh of relief that he was not trapped in that car with an over stress and freaked out pregnant woman. Bella got out of the car. Edward got out of the car. They both looked like they were about to puke or pass out, or both. The prospects weren't too promising. They walked to the door, and entered.

As soon as Edward walked into the door, Charlie gave him a dirty look. Edward gulped. _Oh! Bella's home! _Charlie thought,_ Oh, she looks a little pale, and scared… Is _that boy_ beating her or something? And of course, the man whore came with her… He doesn't deserve my little girl… I swear if he did anything to her I will personally ruin his life. Everyone thinks that I don't have connections, but I do, oh I do… His ass will be grass!!… I will have him registered for sexual assault in all 50 states…and Canada!!!!!_

"Hi, Bella sweetheart!" Charlie cheerily rang out, putting a somewhat fake and pathetically trying to be shining smile on his face, "Oh, and…you…"

"Hello, Chief Swan," Edward said, his voice wavering slightly, the panic starting to take over.

"Chief Swan?! I told you to call me Charlie, boy! What the HELL have you done! Cause I know you did something! Coming in here, calling me Chief Swan like that will make a difference in the outcome of you little mishap!" Charlie yelled, enjoying the look of terror that had crossed on to Edward's face.

"Um, daddy…" Bella started, trying to play the little innocent daughter card. Charlie's expression visibly softened at her voice, "Can you come in to the living room for a second… I—well, _We_ have something to tell you…" Bella said, Charlie visibly paling at the word 'we'…

As they walked into the living room, Edward checked to make sure that Charlie's gun was hanging up on its peg like it should. The three of them walked into the living room, Bella and Edward sitting down on the couch, Bella starting to shake.

"Well, Daddy…" Bella started, "We have an announcement to make… Well… You know how much I love Edward, and how much he loves me…" Charlie was becoming paler at the second, "Well, we decided that since we love each other so much, that, um, we decided to, um, well…get inmphung…." Bella said her last word unrecognizable.

"What was that, sweetheart…" Charlie whispered, almost silently.

"Engaged…"

"OK…Well…" Charlie couldn't get coherent sentences out. This wasn't going good.

"And…"

"There's more?!?!" Charlie spluttered.

"I'm pregnant…" Bella said.

Silence. Complete total and utter silence.

"Well… Should I be happy for you? Should I yell at you? I don't even know anymore…" Charlie thought out loud, musing, while Bella and Edward exchanged worried looks, "Aha! I know! I shall say congratulations, but I will not help support this child. If you two are foolish enough to think that you can support a newborn and a wedding, then all the power to you. But I think you two need to learn your own lessons. Hell, look at me! I married and had a kid young, and they were the worst mistakes of my life!"

Awkward silence.

"Opps…Um, Bella, sweetheart… I didn't really mean that… I LOVE you…"

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It had also taken a few weeks, but Emmett, too, was starting to be convinced that Bella was pregnant, and that she WOULD get fat, but only after a couple of months. Upon realizing this, Emmett, too, was ecstatic.

So ecstatic, in fact, that he decided that some warm wishes were in order…

The Monday morning was average for Bella. Wake up to Edward whispering in her ear, and rubbing her stomach; running to the bathroom moments after said wake up to dry heave into the toilet; argue with Edward that she wasn't hungry, but nauseous, and shouldn't eat breakfast; drive to school in silence; go home and sleep. A normal, average routine.

However, her schedule today was rudely interrupted, upon arriving at school. Edward was tensed up sitting next to her in the Volvo.

Bella gave him a puzzled look, and stepped out of the vehicle. She was greeted with silence. Complete and total silence. Just like when they had told Charlie she was pregnant! Everyone was looking at her, and Lauren was standing there with a smug look on her face. Bella looked over at Edward, who was slowly exiting the car, with an angry look on his face.

"What is it?" Bella stupidly asked.

"Umm…. It seems that everyone has found out about your pregnancy…I mean our little bundle of joy arriving in a few months…" Edward said, a vein popping out of his already tensed jaw. Bella paled, then grabbed Edward's hand and started to pull him towards the building in which their lockers were located.

Since Bella and Edward and the same schedule, their lockers were side by side in Building 1. In a nice, crowded, busy hall. As Bella dragged Edward along to their lockers, they spied what had caused the commotion.

Attached to Bella's locker, spilling over onto Edward's as well, was a huge "CONGRATULATIONS!!!" sign, with baby pink and blue balloons **(AHHH I HATE BALLOONS, THEY ARE EVIL!!! EVIL!!! And scary…)** attached everywhere. Underneath the huge sign, there was a sheet, adorned with Emmett's neat, yet some how messy scrawl, where the words stating _"Congratulations Bella and Edward on your new addition to the family!!! Sign here to wish them well!!"_

"Hey Bella!! Edward!!" Emmett's cheerful voice screeched. Edward growled. Oh, yeah. His days were numbered. "Do you like the sign I put up?!!? I made it all by myself!! Oh, and I borrowed some of Esme and Alice's glitter, too…"

The rest of the "underage" Cullens were standing behind Emmett, looks of death all on their faces, but one…

"Good job, sweetie…" Rosalie purred, patting a proud looking Emmett on the back, obviously ecstatic at Bella's, now ruined, social status.

"EMMETT!!! How could you!?!??!" Alice shrieked, whacking him on the back of his head.

"Emmett!!" Jasper roared, feeding off of the rest of the family's anger, "You're such an idiot!!"

Rosalie's face showed confusion, then quickly changed to obviously false rage, "Oh, I mean, Bad Emmett!! That was bad!!" Rosalie restated in a flustered tone, after hearing everyone else's response to the situation.

Edward just gave Emmett a look, causing Emmett's joy and pride created smile on his face to slowly wither, dim and die. Emmett looked at Edward, let out a wail at doing something wrong, and ran out of the school. Rosalie quickly ran after him, causing quite a scene.

"OK!!!" Alice screeched out, causing everyone to look her way in alarm, "Here's how we're gonna do this!!! All of you will forget this ever happened, or else I will set all my legions of chavs on you, AND YOU WILL DIE."

Everyone sat there in silence, looking at Alice in shock and horror.

"Um, Alice…? You said you never used your chav connections…" Jasper said in a small, scared and wimpy voice.

Suddenly, Jasper, feeding from everyone else's emotions, jumped up and shrieked at the top of his lungs, "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!" And ran out of the building.

Everyone sat there, and suddenly turned towards their friends and started to talk again, not about Bella, though. About the, now dubbed, "Weird Jasper Hale".

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Bella looked down at her stomach. _Ugh_, she thought, _I am getting fat…_ Peering down at the non-existent pudge.

"Bella…" Alice said, bouncing into the room, "You are only 10 weeks along… I don't think you're going to become fat for awhile… LET'S GO SHOPPING!!!" She finished with a jump and a shriek.

"Alice…" Bella grumbled, trying to get up from Edward's couch without falling over. Edward ran into the room. Edward was still dealing with some issues after he wasn't there to help Bella down the stairs… Now Edward was being more over-protective and over-bearing than usual.

"Bella, love!! You're awake!! No, no!! Don't get off the couch, I'll carry you!!! We don't want you to fall again, hey?" Edward finished with a chuckle.

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THIS, I WAS PUSHED!!!" Bella shrieked, pushing away Edward's arms as he tried to help her up.

"Sure, sure, sweetheart…" Edward said his voice taking on his 'humour the fat pregnant human' tone, "Now, be careful, we wouldn't want you to lose another one of my babies, now would we?" Bella paled at the words 'my babies'…

"OK, BELLA!!! SHOPPING TIME!!!!!" Alice shrieked, pulling up Bella and dragging her into the hall, "Now… this time do you have your vitamins??"

"Yes, mom…" Bella groaned, then sighed, "OH!! But I have to stop by the house and grab my bag…"

"Cool, we'll stop there then," Alice said, pushing Bella into her YELLOW Porsche. Alice screeched out of the Cullen's driveway, and headed towards Forks. In less then 10 minutes Alice's 'baby' had screeched to a stop in front of Bella's small house.

"Be back out in 5 minutes!!! 'Cause I don't want to wait longer than that…" Alice said which caused Bella to pale slightly, and jump out of the Porsche. Bella ran into the house, and up into her room. Spying her bag, she grabbed it, and ran back out to the stairs. Walking carefully to the stairs, Bella stopped, and felt a horrific wave of nausea come over her, causing her to run as if for her life to the bathroom.

After regurgitating her entire day's consumption of food, Bella woozily walked back to the stairs, patting her stomach. Bella looked down at said offending stomach, and said with disgust that would have made any other content, hormonal and 'glow-y' pregnant woman cry, "Will you stop that?!? I HATE YOU!!! And I hate running for the bathroom every five second!!!" Absent-mindedly walking back to the stairs, Bella suddenly felt a cold, hand shaped rock like thing push her back. Bella tumbled down the stairs for the second time in a month, and all was black.

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"Bella! Bella!!" Edward yelped franticly, looking at Bella's lifeless form, the rest of the Cullens standing behind him. Bella opened her eyes, and took in Carlisle's crowded office.

"Bella," Carlisle said sternly, as Edward started to kiss her face and plopped her into his lap, "I said to be careful around stairs! Now look what happened! You miscarried—" Rosalie started to giggle, looking triumphant, "—another baby! Bella, you were originally carrying fraternal triplets, but now there is only one left! You need to be more careful!! I'm putting you on bed rest!" Rosalie's face dropped noticeable, and took on a sour quality. She didn't even bother to act sorry for Bella again.

"Well," Rosalie said, her voice thickly coated in malice, "Know that we know that Bella defiantly can't properly walk down stairs, can we NOW go hunting??!!!" And with that, Rosalie stalked out of the room.

"Well, Bella," Edward said picking her up, and starting to walk towards his room; "You've had quite an eventful day, haven't you? Falling down the stairs—again. I think that's a new record for you…" Edward placed Bella on their bed, getting her comfortable. After all… she WAS going to be spending 7 months in it…

Alice burst into the room, looking disappointed. "Aww!! Bella!! You just HAD to keep falling down the stairs, didn't you! Now look what you've done! NO SHOPPING!!!" Bella breathed a sigh of relief, "Oh!!!!!!!" Alice suddenly squealed, "I forgot all about INTERNET!!! OH!! I'm TOTALLY getting my laptop all set up!!! We can still go shopping together!! EEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited!!!" Alice squealed, and ran off, obviously to grab her laptop, which was most likely pink.

Bella sighed again. Stupid baby. Stupid dog. Now she was stuck in bed for almost 7 months!!!

_Yay!! Done again!!! And in like a week!!! Good good. I might be able to get another chapter up this weekend, cause IT'S A LONG WEEKEND, FOO'!!!! AND VOLDY HAS NOOOOO HOMEWORK!!!! Good. A bientot._

_VOLDEMORT!!!!!!!!!!!_


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